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jenilynn321's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, March 3rd, 2006 | | 1:55 pm |
| | Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 | | 3:04 pm |
The only child
Do you ever wish you were the only child? I do. Especially today. coco is so f-ing stupid. She's still hanging out with that tomas kid even after he beat the shit outta her, and got her shot. But sometimes I wish she was dead. She's a pain in the ass. She needs to go somewhere. hopefully, she'll wind up in jail. Maybe she'll become someone's bitch. Ha that would be the greatest. She needs her ass kicked. I was supposed to take her to her doctor's appt, for her scars. but she doesn't care. She doesn't care she'll be scarred for life and look ugly. And I went to pick her up and she wasn't there. So, I had to wait on her for tomas's mother to drop her off at where she was supposed to be. Then I got mad at her cuz first she used my car last night and didn't put any gas in in. So, 1 I'm on E 2 she was not there. So, she got in the car and I was ohh you're in big trouble. And she's like mom knows I'm with tomas. I was like why do you like hanging out with him? Is it fun gettin shot at and beat up? And then we went to put gas in my car and I made her pay for it, and she got mad because I wanted her to pay for my gas. And then her friend called and was like come pick me up. And she goes, go back and get her. I;m like no, you're gonna be late. And she's like we're two fucking lights away. I'm like tough shit, pick her up on the way home. And then she locked me out of my car, while I was pumping gas. And she was like im not gonna open the door unless you go get her. So, I said fine, but I didn't have any intention of going to go get her. So, I turned the other way and she freaked out. And was like God you and mom are fuckin on crack I'm moving out. I'm like you're 17 you can't. She said I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I wanna do, when I wanna do it, and you or mom isn't gonna stop me. I was like ohh ok hard ass. I was like you can think what you wanna but you're not a hard ass. And she's like shut the fuck up, stop fucking talking to me. And she started smoking. I'm like don't smoke in my car. She's like well, i'm gonna and there ain't nothing you're gonna do about it. I'm like you can get out and walk to your appointment. And she's like yea ok, fine and I'll never come back and I was good, we don't want you around anyways, you're trouble, a pain in the ass, and you're good for nothing. And she's like just stop talking to me. I'm this is my car, I'm talking to myself. And i forgot what we were talking about and she's like i wouldn't waste a bullet on your life, and I was like to bad that bullet didn't waste your life. And she's like shut the fuck up or I'll get out. I was like get out, I don't give two shits. I'm not your fuckin taxi, I'm only taking you cuz mom is at work, and I don't want my car impounded cuz you don't have your license( once again. my mom had paid $ 320 to get it back and a couple weeks later it was suspended again) and she got out and went to the gas station. So, I left her there and called my mom and she that she got out of the car, and my mom yells at me. I'm like ok mom whatever, it's not like your a beter mother. You're the one who fucked her up. And she's like whatever jennifer..blah blah blah cuz I tuned her out. And she's like by the time I get there she'll be gone. And I was like so, she said she wasn't coming home anyways cuz you drive her nuts about tomas and you're on crack. I seriously hate my family. If coco does something I get blamed for it. Well, I kinda admit this was my fault she got out, but she has no respect for anyone or any of their things. She's been taking my car to the ghetto where she got shot at. So, I was like don't ever take my car there again and she's like I didn't and I'm like I have no reason to believe you, you lie constantly. coco, got shot and it was my fault cuz I was mad at my mom for not doing anything and my mom isn't going to do anything. She's a horrible mother and should have all her kids taken away. Plus, she doesn't care about coco anyway. She told me that she was moving in a couple a months and starting a coco free life, which means coco isn't going with her. So, why does my mom bother to get her to come home when she runs away? Not a clue. But I just needed to vent. I think I'm done now! thanks for listening! | | Tuesday, February 21st, 2006 | | 10:30 pm |
| | Friday, February 3rd, 2006 | | 10:15 am |
having surgery in 2 hours...and my nerves are gettin to me Current Mood:  nervous | | Wednesday, February 1st, 2006 | | 6:45 am |
two days to go until my surgery. I'm a lil nervous...ok well not a lil im scared outta my mind. I can't believe it happened to me. No one would have ever guessed it would be me. But I guess it's a common thing. I mean 20 million people are dealing with this besides me right now, well, maybe including me. All I care about though is having kids. And who knows by the looks of things now. I have a list of questions.. But I guess everyone else would too if they were going through this. My most common question is why me? Why did this happen to me? what did I do? Well, I know what I did, but I don't get why does mine have to be so sereve? It sucks. Cuz all I wanted was to have kids, but from the looks of it there's a huge possibility that I won't be able to. Which is really upsetting. I've had all these names picked out since I was like 15. Well, time to get my sisters ready for school.. We'll see how friday goes. Oh and this sunday is so gonna totally suck! DOwn with the superbowl..who likes football anyways? Not me. I'm down with the hockey players.whoo hoo. They have the nicest asses. Esp. Chris osgood. yummy. lol okok... ciao Current Mood: scared | | Wednesday, January 25th, 2006 | | 11:03 pm |
well my day started at 5am with a phone call....a bad phone call. My sister got shot. yes everyone you heard me...COCO GOT SHOT. She is ok. However, she is blind in the left eye. She has a gun shot wound to the shoulder and bullet fragments all over her face, body, legs, and hands. But I hope this was a lesson learned for her. I wish she would stop hanging out with that tomas asshole. If I ever see this kid, I'm gonna shot him in the head with a shot gun. But if I had the money I definately hire someone to do my dirty work. He's always puttin my sister in danger. And apparently she's to dumb to realize that and that this guy is no good for her. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my sister is an idoit. I'm definately not taking I dunno from my mom anymore. To bootcamp or military camp or somewhere where the fuckin ass can't find her. Well, I'm gonna go retire for the night, since I was at the hospital for 14 hours. I'm wasted. However, I'm working from 9-2, then taking my friend to her appointment and maybe hanging out with her after. Then around 6-7 going to see my stupid sister. Current Mood:  exhausted | | Saturday, January 21st, 2006 | | 4:43 pm |
this is probably the most random thing I've ever written. I don't know what's wrong. I keep crying about nothing, getting pissed off about nothing. I know I will be starting soon, but i don't think that's it. There's so much on my mind. School, Feb.3, and everything else that happens. I have a problem though. I pretend to get mad at matt sometimes for no reason at all. I mean I'm totally in love him. I think I'm scared that i count on him for alot of things. I count on him to be there for me, no matter what. I count on him to help me pay the bills. I count on him to love me..lol I seriously think I'm crazy. I don't want to push him away. I want him to love me for me. he says he does. But i think differently. It bothers me that he goes to strip clubs with Dan. But we've discussed this, and he's not going anymore cuz the way it makes me feel. But sometimes I feel like I'm too controling or that i'm too clingy. I think way too much. Why am I like this? Why am I so jealous? Why am I so insecure with myself? I hate me. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I talk to people sometimes. I'm scared. I'm scared for my surgery. I really want to have kids. But if I can't, i guess I have to accept that. I have to keep positive, but that's the problem, I'm not very positive. God! life is so confusing. Why does it have to happen to me. Why can't I love myself. Why can't I be happy? Why am I so emotional? Why does every little bother me? Am I not normal? So many questions...so little time. I've been trying to make myself better looking. I've started working out... believe it or not rajsh! it's true..lol I refuse to be fat anymore.. I just want Matt to be happy...and I can never get the truth out or him, or at least I can't. Sorry this doesn't make much sense, but this is what is going on inside my head. Well, I must be off, since I can't go to some motor cross thing with matt because of my health, I'm going with sue to see Underworld Evoltion. Saw it last night though...shhh don't tell her..lol Current Mood:  confused | | Thursday, January 19th, 2006 | | 11:37 pm |
such is life...
How funny is this...a non smoker that i am... has pre cancer cells forming on my cervix. Aww so lovely. I've had some tests done to see if they were getting better. By better i mean by body fighting it. Well, unfortunately my body can't. Due to the large amount of cigarette smoke i inhale my immune system can't beat it. So feb 3rd I'm having part of my cervix removed to get rid of the cells. Hopefully, they will not return. However, if they do return I'm having my cervix removed. C'est la vie. Current Mood:  worried | | Friday, January 13th, 2006 | | 6:01 pm |
I don't know if I should cry or not. I really don't like matt going to strip clubs, but what am I supossed to say when he has his friends call up and ask me? I hate strip clubs. I don't know if it's because I have low self esteem and think he'll leave me for a stripper. It really hurts me, that he's ok going to one, when he knows it bothers me. I have no one to hang out with tonight. And I don't have any books yet, so I can't do homework. I guess I'm going to be alone for the night. Too bad rajsh isn't here we could be alone together. Well, I'm gonna stop him before he makes dinner. | | Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 | | 11:00 pm |
Change of plans for the 22nd. I'm going to chicago with my mommie. So, we will have to plan another date. | | Thursday, October 13th, 2005 | | 7:21 pm |
well today was my grandma's funeral. I think I did okay. I mean I cried alot. But I will miss her. I feel bad though. I know I should've went and saw her more. But I never thought she would die. And now that she's gone, I regret so much. I wish I could've spent more time with her than I did. But what can ya do...now? But I was proud. I read a scripture from the bible for her. And I thought that I wouldn't be able to do it cuz I was scared, but I did it. Even though I started to cry, I kept somewhat of my composure. Ha. My cousin's wife went up with me. I was really glad she did. My sister read one too. The one I think do know is that life is too short not to do stuff with your family. so, that means everytime they go up north in the summer. I'm going. I don't care what I'm doing, or where I'm at. I'm going. I missed out on so much this year, because I wanted to work. And two years ago I missed out. It's just not the same without her. She was such a crazy lady. I will miss her dearly. I think about her all the time. she will be missed by everyone. But I had a good time at the dinner, sharing my memories of her, and my grandpa who past 2 years ago. Everyone had great memories. I love you grandma In Memory Of Isabelle Nora Juozunas October 8, 2005 | | Friday, October 7th, 2005 | | 11:51 pm |
A night of hauntings and fun
hey guys!! I'm tryin to put together a big group out for halloween. A couple of haunted hayrides and crap. I was thinking OCTOBER 22. If you wanna come let me know. We're probably gonna leave around 8-830, so we can go to a couple. Maybe we'll get some cider and dounuts for the ride. Possibly a dinner stop.. SO WHO'S UP FOR IT?? CUZ I SURE THE HELL AM | | Monday, September 19th, 2005 | | 9:33 pm |
Blah School. I'm kinda behind. I just can't force myself to read the damn china books. Damn China. Anyways, my china prof. was AIM no one knew where he was today. So, we had no class. that was kinda good. I ran my errands. Came back to school.. took notes.. I kinda took a lot of notes. I ate lunch in the UC..Chicken Caesar Wraps are to die for. They are awesome. Then I wen to class and attempted to do the reading that I"m behind in for Criminology. Im really into this crack book. lol. I still have tons of reading to do. I got my quiz back from Hist 360...I got a B. Im proud. It was only the 3rd day of class, so I thought I did a pretty good job. She calls me Jen, which is awesome. SHe's not that crazy anymore, she's kinda growing on me. Criminology was hilarious tonight. I laughed my ass off. This guy is great. He's so funny. We talked about Columbine, and the other school shooting and copy cat crimes. Then we got into personality disorders. I figured out my sister is an anti - social personality. Which is kinda scary. But anywho, he was talking about how he always gets the weirdos in his class. He was telling a story about how this girl he has last summer, in his class wore this skirt that was up to her gentials...and she was wearing no undies. She had her foot on the chair in front of her, showing everyone in the room, the lovely view. He said it was so distracting for everyone in the room. And some kid asked did u have to buy a ticket for the show, and he goes no, it was free to everyone. We were laughing so hard. And he said she just wouldn't put her foot down when he asked her to. She said she had every right to keep her foot there, so he had to call the cops. It was great. He said he felt bad for calling the police on a student but what can ya do? Well, now I'm gonna go read. Current Mood:  tired | | Friday, September 9th, 2005 | | 10:42 am |
So school was on wenesday. It was alright. I sat in the same seat and same class room for ummm about 5 hours. I need 18 books! Isn't school so much fun? Well, my ancient china teacher is a wack! He's so boring. He's like what do you think of when I say ancient China, and he called on me, so I was like umm samurai(sp?) warriors. And he's like yea, most people do. Well, I don't know shit about ancient china, that's why I'm taking the class...duh. Then my next prof, was pretty cool. She's a lil excited about history. Maybe a lil too excited. SHe's like so hyper. I don't know if it's cuz it's after lunch or what, but she's kinda crazy too. My last prof. I can tell his parents hate him. They named him enoch. I feel so sorry for him. Like seriously, though what kind of name is enoch? He's cool. He has like 8 books for that class. He apoligize for going book crazy so handed out some free ones. Of course I didn't get one! BLAH! I'm guess i'm lookin foward to this semester. I gotta bust ass that's for sure. I have so much reading. I have two quizzes on wenesday. Maybe I remind you that's only the 3rd day of class. Isn't that great? They shouldn't be too hard. One is a map quiz. The other is a quiz on chapter one. Unlike Rajsh, I have to hand in a paper on the day of our hanson concert. So, I think I'm gonna hand it in early so I dont' have to go. Cuz that's my hanson day and no one will ruin my hanson day concert. I'm excited to see them. It's been a while since I been to a concert. I'm finally done watchin Ilena's dog. I've been here for a week. It's a lil nerve racking. From Friday-Monday I couldnt leave the house. Isn't that insane. Tuesday was my first day out, but only for like 2 hours at a time. But at least I'm done today! I can do the happy dance. Tonight I get to sleep in my own bed. But I get to dog sit again...on saturday..oh happy day..At least it's for matt's sister and we can swim in her heated pool. Two thumbs up! Then Sunday we see cody. For those of you who don't know who cody is, it's matt's son. Well, I guess that's about it. Mwah Current Mood:  blank | | Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005 | | 12:04 pm |
saw this in Rajsh's journal thought I'd try it! Great minds think alike! Chicago was awesome, as usual. John Edwards soooo sexy. I adore him..hehe Afterwards my mom and I hung out in the room, ordered room service...yummy chocolate cake and coconut ice cream. Then the next day went to Navy Pier at Bubba Gumps. Then to the mall..and then to medieval times, my mom liked the evil guy. He was kinda hot. look more like one of the guys from the 70's. I think that's why my mommy liked him. Then after that we started our long 5 hour drive home. Got home at 1 am. I went to bed around...2 then got up early and went to get my presents from my mom's house. then to TOYS R US for matt's friend's son's birthday party. We got him loud, annoying toys..lol And afterwards went with amber and andrew to see STar Wars..it was pretty good. Hayden Christenson is soooo hot! Goregous boy! That's about it...later Current Mood:  busy | | Tuesday, May 17th, 2005 | | 7:00 pm |
Well, let's see where to begin. Chicago on friday!! whoo hoo. I'm excited to see John Edward again, he's a really good psychic. Not to mention he's hot. When I get back it'll be the last day of st. sebastian, RAJSH we should go. I'll call you when I get back, cuz I have 2 birthday parties to go to that day. I'll probably only be able to make it to one. But, I'll drop of a present at Sue's and then on to matt's friend's kid birthday. I'm trying to think of a nice place to go with Matt for our anniversary. Only for like 2-3 days if anyone has any ideas let me know! We were thinking the pocano mountains in Pennsylvania, but the total is like 600$ just for the room. Then I was thinking about Frankenmuth...but my mom's gonna be there the same days we wanna go, so that looks like a no no. Then I was thinking Chicago, cuz Matt's never been there and I'd like to take him. Thinking about having a BBQ on Memorial Day if anyone is down for it let me know. The more the merrier. It'll be just like old times. Invite everyone. We'll play Volleyball in the backyard. Hopefully it'll be nice out. Rajsh tell MArk to come. And Dawny if you're reading this you are welcome to come too, and bring heather. We'll roast some marshmellows. OHH!! I won 4 round trip tickets to anywhere!! I'm so excited I can't wait! we have 2 years to use them! It'll be so much fun, wherever we decide to go. I believe that's it, enough for my exciting week. My Candle Lady is having a Candle Sale Tuesday 7-9 Wedneday 7-9 Thursday 7-9 Tell Colette JEN SENT YOU! if you decide to go. Lots of partylite stuff 50-75% off! GREAT DEALS! Her addy is 24933 Hickory If you need directions call me! Mwah Current Mood:  cheerful | | Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005 | | 3:43 pm |
life sucks
Everyday I do the same thing. I work, come home, shower, go to kathy's, make dinner, watch tv, drink, play cards, come home, go to bed. Day after day nothing ever changes. Don't you hate that. You know what you're going to do that day even before it starts. I'm going to Chicago in 2 weeks with my mommie to see John Edward. I was telling my mom how I have no friends, and she said that's cuz im rude. Ha! it was great. Sometimes, it does bother me that I don't have friends my age, and then other times it doesn't. I'm not really sure why. For everyone who use to be my friend, we're not friends cuz im rude, according to my mom. But I think it's cuz I'm a bitch. I grew up spoiled. I got whatever I wanted, was never told no. So, that's why im a bitch. Plus, sometimes I think I am better than some people. It's actually funny. Cuz right now I really dont give a shit about anything. Not sure why not, but I really don't care. If you don't like me, good. If you don't want to hang out with me...good. If you never want to talk to me..good. I really don't give a shit anymore. Im sick of trying to be nice to everyone, cuz no one really cares. I seriously want everyone who reads this to answer this question, just so it proves a point. In the last couple on months have any of you ever thought to call me to do something? Please answer this..just so I know..for myself. Current Mood: uncaring | | Monday, May 2nd, 2005 | | 10:58 pm |
where do I go from here?
I don't know what to do. Im starting to feel like im losing my mind. Well, maybe not my mind, but just my whole life in general. I'm just going to give up. I'm not going to call anyone anymore. I'm not going to invite people places. I'm just done. No one ever bothers to call me anymore. No one calls me to hang out. I'm alone in the world. If I didn't have Matt, where would I be? Down and out that's where. I finally realize that I don't know where to go from here. In 3 years I'm gettin married. Next year I graduate from school. Then I'm moving to Florida. I can't wait. I hope I make new friends and keep all the old from Disney. I mean I love everyone down in Disney. I felt accepted by all the new people I met. Here I don't feel shit. I feel loved, liked. I can't believe this is the first time in my life, the only one I have to turn to is Matt. I just want to scream and pull out all my hair. I wish I could totally transform myself into someone everyone would like, love, and want to be around. If I can't do that at least I can transform my looks. This summer I'm gonna lose about 30 pounds. And If I can save up enough money I'm gettin implants or liposuction if I dont lose the weight. I j ust want my life back. I'm just so excited to move to florida, cuz I can start fresh. A brand new slate. New friends, new life, a whole new everything. I know everyone who is reading this, is thinking that I'm talking about them. And I'm not just singling out just one person. This is for my own personal venting. If I offended you in someway, which I probably have. Just forget about it and move on. Trust me this is nothing to dwell on. But I do, so you can't. It's my way of dealing with what I've done wrong in my life. Evem though I promised I never have any regrets, I have just a few. I'm thinking about joining the navy. It will be tough work, but in the end it'll be worth it. But I really don't think I have the guts, or that I'm made for that kinda work. But I'm going to cedar point on sunday, if anyone would like to go, gimme a holla. All is welcome! that's all fokes... Current Mood:  indescribable | | Friday, April 29th, 2005 | | 7:13 pm |
I think im falling apart. I'm not sure if I'm really like my life. I really don't know. I honestly feel like im in a huge hole, and I just keep digging. I talked to Kelli the other day, she's actually happy with her life. Which is really good, because I thought Jeff ruined her life. She may not think so, but in a way I kinda do. And then she asked me if I was happy. Well, in a way yes and in a way no. Yes, I'm happy cuz im with Matt and he makes me happy and I love him to death. I guess the only reason I'm not happy is cuz I don't have friends my age anymore. I have Kathy she's 51. I have Nick he's like 32. And Ilena she's like 30 something. Jake he's like 23 so he's around my age. Then Dan well, he is my age. And Matt well yah. But I don't have anymore girlfriends. Tiff is gone. I have no idea where she is, but she out being with her friends, which is cool. And I know this sounds really mean, but in a way this is kinda how I feel. I feel like rajsh and I aren't really friends anymore. We just talk. We really don't do things together. I guess we both accept that. The only thing that really ties us together is hanson. I call her if I hear any NEW Hanson news, and she does the same. But in the end it's really my fault. And there's no one to blame but me. So, yes the reason we aren't really friends anymore everyone is because of me. I was a bitch to her practically our whole friendship, so no wonder why she doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm sorry rajsh if you get mad when you read this cuz I didn't tell you anything about this on the phone, but you still have finals, and I didn't want to argue with you. I always pictured rajsh and I growing old together, and living side by side, but that will never happen, and it probably never would've either. Well, that's basically things in a nutshell. IM GOING TO THE CASINO TONIGHT....WISH ME LUCK!!! Current Mood: excited | | Tuesday, April 26th, 2005 | | 6:46 pm |
Well, I got the shock of a life time today. Ya know I thought it was bad when taylor got married. Then he became a daddy! And guess what...he's a daddy again! I'm starting not to really care, ya know it's his life. Yet, I still think he's the hottest person to walk this earth, if this is what he really wants, then good for him. But at times I really do feel sorry for Natalie. I mean of course, she married Taylor Hanson! Hello! Who wouldn't love that. But to be so young and have 2 kids. She really has no future. It's kinda sad. But oh well. All I can say is at least it's not me. Pretty Harsh huh? But that's how I look at things, well at least it didn't happen to me. I love Kelli, Rita, Sue....but I'm just so glad that I don't have any kids. Sure accidents happen.. but if an accident happen to me, it would be there very long. Mean, I know, but I think of myself first in that situation. Well, I might be looking to adopt kids when I'm older. I might not be able to have any. Which totally wreck my baby name plans but oh well. Everything happens for a reason right? Or does it? But I'll find out May 4th if I am going to be having kids or not. But if I can since I'm not using my eggs, I'm gonna donate them. One of my friends from school does and the minimum amount of money they give you is $2000. But if you donate more than the certain amount they have you can get between $2000- $5000 whoo hoo. I mean, I'm not going to be using them anytime soon, so why doesn't someone else. Well, I'm supposed to be studying. I have a music final to study for. A 426 page book to read and write a paper on by Thursday..I'm on page 36 whoo hoo. And Tomorrow is my French Final..but im just gonna review in the morning. I'm gonna get up around 630-7. But I gotta go make dinner, and start studying some more. Current Mood: busy |
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jenilynn321's journal
